Life Stories: The Story of Cancer, Hope, Faith, and Love | San Francisco Bay Area Family Photographer

This month’s story was tough for me to write, but GOOD for me to write.   If you don’t know what this Life Stories thing is all about, click here to read about it!

This is the story of two years of cancer.  The story of hope.  The story of faith and love.

This is the story of my mom.

Mom, you mean the world to me.  I write this to you because I love you beyond words, and I feel that pictures will help me explain.

Here you are just 3 months before your life was rocked by cancer.  I love this picture of you.  Calm and poised.  Wisdom hiding behind your eyes.  Love shining brightly directly into my soul.

You.

Mom.

My ever present mom.

Two years ago, we got the devastating news that you had brain cancer.  You had tumors in multiple areas of your brain.  It happened so quickly.  You had just been in Guatemala, helping others, nursing others back to health, and then, with a blink of an eye, you were on the receiving end of that nursing care.  Days after you experienced your first symptoms in a remote village in Guatemala, you found your way back to California with so many people escorting you home.  I am so thankful for them.  I think you made it home just in time.

We had no idea what was to come. We didn’t know, quite frankly, if you were going to die.  You could barely roll over in bed.  You were scared.  You tried your best to hide your fear and sadness, as only a mother could.  But you were scared.  All your kids jumped in planes and cars to be by your side. It was so wonderful to be together as a family, but that comfort was bittersweet.

I took these pictures while swallowing back tears.  I didn’t know if this was it.  I am crying as I type this, just thinking of how lost and helpless I felt.  How lost and hopeless we all felt….  Cancer sucks.  Just go away, Cancer.  You are not welcome here.

We were all so scared that these could be our last moments.

All I could think is that I had to document you.  I realized how few pictures I had of you, and it broke my heart.  I had to document you: mother, grandmother, friend.

Look how little he is, Mom!

And, he was just a month old.  A newborn that just weeks earlier, you had cared for.

Gosh, the kids just keep getting older, while we keep getting younger, huh?

You read to her, and she just soaked you in.

Pictures took on a new meaning for me when you got sick.  No longer were they just to create a pretty picture.

Pictures preserve memories.  Pictures are important.  They put an image to a feeling.  I can’t thank you enough, Mom, for letting me take pictures of you now.  I remember how reluctant you were to let me take your picture before you were sick.  When you were in the hospital, I remember asking “why are you letting me take pictures of you now?”  And you said “because there’s no expectation for me to look good.”  Ha!

The day after those pictures were taken, you were too tired and weak for visiting.  It was a tough time.

But you responded so amazingly to the chemo, the love, and the prayers.  You were soon walking again.  You got better so quickly.  By April 2010, you were home.  How amazing!  You were home!!!  I remember walking through your house when you were first diagnosed and thinking you would never be back in your house.  But there you were.  It really was a miracle.

We gathered and finally got a decent family picture.

It was a happy time.  A hopeful time.

And there you and dad are.  The happiest divorced couple that ever lived.  :)  Dad, your help through mom’s illness….  Words cannot explain what an amazing man you are.  Thank you….  I don’t think I have ever sat and thought about your heart’s generosity without getting choked up.  And the fact that you brush it off so easily…. you shouldn’t do that.  What you have done for mom and for us is nothing short of spectacular.  Thank you.

 Looking back at it now, Mom, I see things at this point, as starting to get back to manageable.  You were living on your own.  You were back to the YMCA and exercising.  You were fighting and working.  Every day.

And you were feeling well enough to start protesting having your picture taken.  : )

But maybe you just know now how important pictures are.  You rarely hide from my camera anymore.

You were able to visit us.

In March 2011, your chemo port was removed.  No more treatment.  You were done!

And then in June 2011… three months after getting the “all clear” from the oncologist….

Another tumor.  Just one this time.  But a big one.  At the base of your brain.  This one affected your speech, your swallowing, your cognition, your mobility.  This one… was a whopper.  It was so difficult seeing you unable to say what you wanted.  When you tried to cut your food with a menu, my heart just broke.

All us kids took turns spending the night with you in the hospital.  The night that I stayed, you told me that you thought you were going to die.

I fought with all my strength to hide my tears from you.  It was the first time since you had been diagnosed that I had heard you voice those concerns.  You touched my face with your hand and looked so deeply into my eyes with concern and said “I don’t want you to be sad.”

Always the caregiver, Mom.  Always concerned more about the ones you love than being concerned for yourself….  I understand that now that I am a mom.

I love you so much.

But you didn’t die.  You fought.  You fought with everything you had.

I love both of these pictures of you.  On the left, you have just the hint of a crooked smile since that stupid tumor was messing with your mouth, but the look in your eyes….  Pure love.  And the one on the right.  You’re a goofball, Mom.

Back to acute rehab for intensive physical, occupational, and speech therapy.

Then back to the hospital for more chemo… and complications.  Pulmonary emboli made it difficult for you to keep your oxygen levels up.  You were on 15 L of oxygen, but your fight was so clearly back.  Twinkling eyes behind the mask.

These pictures are two of my favorite pictures of you and dad.  I love the relationship you two have.

After what seemed forever, you were ready to be discharged. But not home.  Your stairs made that impossible.  So you moved in with dad and a 24 hour caregiver.  And you continued to fight.

Hallway laps, anyone?

By November, you were getting ready to go home.  I love this picture of you.  Resting after climbing your stairs.  Back in your home, after almost 6 months away.  You’re just breathing it all in.

But those stairs still made it a difficult transition home.  I’m so glad you got that stair lift.

And now you’re home.  Still fighting.  Still working.

Still here.

Mom, these two years have been hard on all of us, but hardest on you.  I want to take this time to tell you how amazed I am by you.

You are my best friend.

You have always been there to listen to me, offer advice, be a shoulder to cry on.

You have taught me how to love… and to do so unconditionally.

You have taught me to give…without wanting to receive anything back.

You have taught me strength.  You have taught me this through example.  You live your life deliberately, Mom.  Your actions and words have meaning.  I see you.  I see all that you do, and I’m sitting here choking back tears that I am lucky enough to call you mom.  I am so lucky to have you as an example of how to live my life with a loving heart and a giving hand.  I am lucky that I have learned from you how to live my life deliberately.  I am lucky that my children can call you “Bama.”   I am lucky, and my kids are lucky, that you have taught me how to be a mom.

And Mom, I want you to know that I am so happy that you are still here on this earth.  I continue to learn from you, to love you, to gain strength from you.  And someday, I know, you will leave this earth.  We all will.  And pretending that we won’t is silly.  No one can run from it, so we might as well just accept it and say and do the things we want to do now, while we’re still here to say and do those things, right?

And because I am now a mom, I know something.  I know that beyond anything else in this world, I want my children to be happy.  I worry about their well being.  And I know you worry about your kids’ well beings.

So, Mom, I want you to know that when you die… I will be okay.  I will miss you and grieve your loss immensely.  I know that.  But I will be okay… because I have you inside of me.  And that flame is too bright to ever extinguish.  The strength you have endowed to me will carry me through any storm.  I have you with me.  Always.

I love you, Mom.  And my kids love their Bama.

Thank you for everything you are to me.  I love you more than I could ever express to you.

And to any of my readers who made it through this post, I ask that you please send a healthy thought or prayer my mom’s way.  She’s pretty dang awesome, wouldn’t you say?

Click here to continue the Life Stories chain!  You’ll know you’ve made it all the way through the chain when you make it back here!

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48 Comments:

  1. Kara Layfield
    February 24, 2012
    Reply

    Wiping the tears from my eyes…beautifully written Laura. These photos are precious beyond words!

  2. Kathleen Weibel
    February 24, 2012
    Reply

    Laura – I love you! I’ve never met your mom, but I love her too. This is so beautiful. Your parents created an amazing family and a lady that I’m very glad to call my friend. You have the gift of storytelling. The photos are amazing.

  3. amy lenhart
    February 24, 2012
    Reply

    laura what a touching tribute to your mother.. such love and so smart to do it when she is here to read it with you.. wishing and praying for you and your family to enjoy many, many more years with your mom..

  4. jamie siever
    February 24, 2012
    Reply

    What a beautifully written piece. Thank you for sharing your soul, your love and your mother with us in this post. There is nothing more important than family. These photos are truly treasures.

  5. Melissa Bradfield
    February 24, 2012
    Reply

    what a beautifully written post Laura. I’m wiping tears from my eyes as I read the last part, I will send prayers to your mom and your whole family. I lost my dad to brain cancer when I was young and you’re right. the fire left inside by loved ones will always be to bright to ever be put out, I’ve never been able to voice it like that, but those words will stick with me forever now. thank you for sharing your story/your mom’s story.

  6. Jen
    February 24, 2012
    Reply

    I am in tears over your beautifully written love letter to your mom. Your writing and your photos are truly a massive gift to your mom and your entire family.

  7. Taryn Chrapkowski
    February 24, 2012
    Reply

    What an incredible journey, and a very important reminder to all us to capture those moments with our loved ones. Writing this as I wipe the tears away, because not only through your pictures, but through your words I feel like I actually can feel what you and your family have gone through. What an amazing tribute to a woman who has clearly raised an amazing family.

  8. Tiara
    February 24, 2012
    Reply

    Beautiful story and journey. I can tell your Mom is a fighter and this story hits so close to home for me. Your photos are amazing and will be cherished for many years by your Mom, you, your children and someday your grandchildren.

  9. Whitley
    February 24, 2012
    Reply

    Wow Laura, This post is beautiful and heartbreaking and inspiring all at the same time. Thank you for telling us your mom’s story and sharing so much. I gotta go clean up my make up now and try to stop crying. <3

  10. Kristin
    February 24, 2012
    Reply

    You have us all crying. Your story is so beautifully written and captured….hugs to you all.

  11. Amber
    February 24, 2012
    Reply

    Oh wow, Laura. I was in tears halfway through. This is so beautiful. The relationship your mother built with her children is amazing and inspiring. She’s an incredible woman and though I’ve never met her, I think of her (and your family) often <3

  12. Audrey
    February 24, 2012
    Reply

    Your story is so touching. I’m so glad you were able to document her whole journey. I love all of these and I love your mom even though I’ve never met her in person I feel like I know her as well as my own mom.

  13. kate craft
    February 24, 2012
    Reply

    Laura your family is nothing short of amazing!!!

  14. Verity
    February 24, 2012
    Reply

    Oh Laura what an amazing tribute to your mom! I hope she grows stronger every day.

  15. Danielle
    February 24, 2012
    Reply

    This is such a beautiful post, Laura. Your family is so resilient and amazing. Continued good thoughts for your mother in her journey.

  16. Bruddah
    February 24, 2012
    Reply

    Okay, I haven’t read it yet, because we’re gonna run errands, but sister, if you make me cry… Gotta go jump rope and do somersaults with Lily.

  17. Rachel Aberle
    February 24, 2012
    Reply

    Inspiration, sweet and beautiful story Laura. Thank you for sharing this beautiful light in your life.

  18. Azure
    February 24, 2012
    Reply

    Laura, you are amazing. Your love for your mom is amazing… the way you have captured her story and her fight and her love for her family is amazing. All of it. Thank you for sharing with us… lots of prayers and light and love for her and your family.

  19. amy
    February 24, 2012
    Reply

    Amazing Laura.
    You made me cry- you made me smile.
    And above all, what a BEAUTIFUL documentation and legacy you have created.
    I hope your mom keeps kicking cancer’s ass.
    <3 <3 <3

  20. Jackie Jean
    February 24, 2012
    Reply

    Laura, your family has experienced so much and my prayers will continue for you all. Thank you for sharing your mom with the rest of us. I can see where you get your sweet spirit from most definitely. All of these shots are priceless and wonderful as is your family, love you girl!

  21. Bruddah
    February 24, 2012
    Reply

    Okay, back from errands. Beautifully said with fantastic pix. Much love.

  22. Jeni
    February 24, 2012
    Reply

    Saying an extra prayer for your mom and your family Laura. This post made me cry like a baby. I am so glad you decided to keep your camera by your side during all of this so that you can look back and reflect on the whole experience. Your mom sounds like an awesome woman and I pray that she continues to win the battle!

  23. Jillian
    February 24, 2012
    Reply

    Dear Mrs M,

    Through her incredible gifts of writing and photography, your daughter has shared your beautiful soul with the world, not just in this letter, but many times in many ways. I am a mum with cancer too and you are an inspiration to me. You remind me that my family makes this struggle ok, do-able. It teaches my kids so much about how to live because it teaches ME to do that and show them through my own actions. Laura has made me see what I can be to them because of what you are to her. And every step forward into wellness you take, is a step I follow. Thank you for allowing her to publish such a personal story. Your ripples have reached the other side of this planet :-)

    Stay Well,

    Jill xox

  24. Miriam
    February 24, 2012
    Reply

    Darn you Laura for making me cry while I am at work. What a beautifully written and put together tribute to your amazing mother and family! Absolutely loved your honesty and your openness in sharing such a tough time in your lives.

  25. Jessica Deane
    February 24, 2012
    Reply

    So beautifully written. Your love for your mom overflows in every word. I’m encouraged by your moms fight! Her urge to live & beat stupid cancers butt! I pray she has the most amazing life ahead of her!! xoxoxo.

  26. Nicole Ridella
    February 24, 2012
    Reply

    Seeing the roller coaster that you, your mom and your family has been on these last two years, all here in one spot both breaks my heart and fills me with hope. My heart breaks thinking of all that you have been through, all of that fear and uncertainty. And, I am filled with hope – not just for your mom and her remaining cancer free – but hope in general. Hope because your dad can be so amazing to his ex-wife. Hope because you found the strength not only to live this story, but also to capture it so beautifully. Hope because sometimes things turn out how they are supposed to and an amazing woman kicks cancer to the curb…

  27. Liz
    February 24, 2012
    Reply

    Oh Laura. I have no words other than that was beautiful and you are so lucky.

  28. Claire Hunter
    February 24, 2012
    Reply

    I now know why you are such an amazing woman Laura, you get it from your mom! Earlier today I was unable to read your post and was only available to look at the images. Your photography is so powerful that it brought tears to my eyes then and now that I have read, your words have brought the tears back. Momma M, I am so sorry for all that you have been through and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers at all times.

  29. Kelly Dixon
    February 24, 2012
    Reply

    Laura, As I wipe away the tears streaming down my face, I am honored to know you. You are amazing and now know what an amazing role model you have. You are a beautiful writer, person and friend! i will keep you, your mom and your family in my thoughts and prayers always!! Much love!

  30. Liat Biderovsky
    February 25, 2012
    Reply

    Oh Laura, I am in tears. What a beautiful, beautiful post!!! You obviously take after your mother because you are an incredibly amazing person yourself.

  31. Tiffany Woods
    February 25, 2012
    Reply

    What a beautiful story about a beautiful family. The love and bond you all have just shines through in your words and pictures. Always praying for you all!

  32. Aimee Maughan
    February 25, 2012
    Reply

    I love that this post captures what your introduction says. These all make me FEEL! Thanks for sharing! The images are beautiful!

  33. Judy
    February 25, 2012
    Reply

    Laura, that is beautiful. What a wonderful story for your mom to read. And for your children to remember. I wish I had been able to write something like that to my mom. But she hears me in heaven now.

  34. Sharron Morita
    February 25, 2012
    Reply

    Oh Laura, Sooooooooooooo beautiful!!!!!!! Such a lovely tribute to your mother, and your father too.
    Bless you, dear.

  35. Nancy W
    February 26, 2012
    Reply

    Laura, so very touching. I love that you’ve captured it all. My prayers continue to be with your all! Love you!

  36. Reena
    February 26, 2012
    Reply

    Very beautifully written…..so touching. I need a kleenex now. I am sending my thoughts and prayers to your mother…..she IS totally awesome.

  37. Angela Ross
    February 26, 2012
    Reply

    Laura this is such an amazing story of your super hero mom! I say that bc only a super hero could go through what she has and come out the other side! I was in tears while reading your story and wanted to thank you for sharing it!

  38. Kimberly
    February 27, 2012
    Reply

    Such a beautiful, heartfelt, tribute! You, your family, your words… nothing but inspirational.

  39. Jacqueline
    February 27, 2012
    Reply

    Your mom sounds like an incredible woman, as does your father. So much loves shines through your words and your images. Your mom and family will be in my thoughts and prayers as she continues her battle.

  40. Mette Laurent
    February 27, 2012
    Reply

    Wouldn’t leave this blog without telling you how incredibly moved I was when reading this. My prayers and thoughts go out to you all – especially your wonderful mom. You are truly blessed with such great people and your parents are so blessed having you:)

  41. Ann Galovich
    February 28, 2012
    Reply

    You are an incredible gift to your mom as well Laura! You perfectly summed up how I feel as a mom myself. Thank you for this beautiful blog post and sharing this very personal story with us all. It is moving, inspiring, and so full of love. I cried. I laughed. And I sent your family and your mom the biggest cyber hugs and prayers that I could. Amazing.

  42. claire
    February 28, 2012
    Reply

    Such a beautiful post. I have followed your moms story from the beginning. You are all lucky to have one another in your lives. Sending you all love and strength…now excuse me while I go wipe my tears.

  43. Natalie
    February 28, 2012
    Reply

    Laura, the gift that you have is amazing. Many people can take pictures. Many people can take AMAZING pictures. But only you have this incredible Laura ability to capture moments and actually SEE the love that you have for your mom. Even without your beautiful words to accompany the pictures, you have a gift – love. Not just regular love that I think so much of us are capable of. A love that is truly profound! You must have gotten that from your mother. You are a very lucky woman to have such a mother… and she is a very lucky woman to have you. I do pray for your mother and you.

  44. Jen Snyder
    February 28, 2012
    Reply

    Laura, my sweet amazing friend. You have such a gift in your storytelling. I can feel the love your family has for each other here. Thoughts and prayers for your mom– she is such a loving, amazing, inspiring, beautiful woman.

  45. Clarice
    February 28, 2012
    Reply

    Oh gosh…you and your family are all so amazing. I love this story and like everyone has mentioned you are an awesome writer! <3

  46. christie
    March 03, 2012
    Reply

    Thank you for sharing your story with us all Laura, I love how you document every detail of this journey with your mom. I lost my mom very sudden of heart disease (she didn’t know she had) and I wish I had been able to capture so many more moments with her {{hugs}} Always thinking about your family and sending healing thoughts your moms way.

  47. Kimberly Mann
    March 08, 2012
    Reply

    In tears…. for the beauty and love that I can see in your relationship with your mom. Your pictures and words are truly moving. You have given an amazing gift to your family by documenting this time and the love for your mom. I’ve followed your story and will continue to think of you often.


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