It’s been so long since I’ve done a blog post, I’ve almost forgotten how.  It was a weird summer with my mom being re-diagnosed with brain cancer.  Life doesn’t seem right when she is ill.  If you are reading this, please feel free to take a moment to send good thoughts and healing prayers my mom’s direction.  I really would appreciate it.

This is just going to be a hodge podge of images I’ve taken in the past several months.  I just felt like sharing, and I hope you enjoy.  Comments are always appreciated!  Thanks for looking.

I was playing with doing macro but without a macro lens.  These macro shots were all taken with my 50mm lens, taken off the body of my camera, and then just flipped and held to my camera.  Hard to do, but I like a challenge.

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Soon after my last blog post, I got some terrible news.  My mom, who has been in remission from brain cancer, was found to have a new large tumor deep in her brain.

If you have followed me at all, you might already know how important my mom and family are to me.  This news has been devastating.  But I am so happy to report that she is doing better.  She’s had a few awful setbacks since her second diagnosis, but we are hopeful that she will be returning home with help next week.

I currently am not taking any clients so that I can focus on my family.

Cancer sucks.  No one will argue that.  It puts this awful fear in your heart that is hard to shake.  I was recently lamenting the terrible ups and downs that I have been experiencing as my mom’s health would wax and wane. A friend of mine who is fighting her own battle with breast cancer had some wonderful words for me:

This journey we are on, it’s a bit like being caught in a rip in the surf. You’re a California girl – how do we survive a rip? We don’t fight it, we don’t 100% let it take us away, we swim diagonally across it. We end up way down shore, exhausted and not at all where we planned to be, but we got there. What am I saying? For the most part allow yourself to feel everything this world is throwing at you but control it when it threatens to drown you.

Such incredible words of wisdom.  I find that I have been doing a lot of swimming diagonally lately.  And all this swimming has made me realize something: people are good.  Life is good.  I am well aware that there is a lot of bad in this world, but I am also completely amazed at the beauty that surrounds me.  My life is rich–rich with the love of my family, rich with the love of friends, rich with the love and support of people that I have never met that still have taken the time to hold my mom and my family in their hearts.

I look at my mom and this incredible woman that I quoted above.  They are fighting for their lives.  And they do it with such grace.  My mom says “I just take it as it comes.”  I have learned so much from that.  I, too, am trying to just take it as it comes.

This summer has not been at all what I expected.  I had big business plans, big hopes for new and old clients.  What I have is not what I expected, but you know what?  I’m okay.  And it’s all gonna be okay.  No matter what happens, it’s gonna be okay.

Devastation like the news of cancer tends to center you.  It makes you realize what is important.  I feel like I could have gone a couple of ways here.  I could have been angry at the world and stayed angry at the world.  What I have chosen to do is to have my moments of anger and frustration, sure, but not to live there.  No no no.  Far from it.  Instead, I feel like my heart has blossomed and opened.  I feel like allowing all the love that I feel for my mom, my family, and my friends, to just spill out of me like a rushing waterfall of light and wonder has helped strengthen me.

Love is saving me.

Recently, a friend shared a poem with me, that I completely adore.

I don’t think you need to believe in God to take something away from this poem.  We will all face troubles and obstacles.  Some that seem bigger than ourselves, and how we choose to handle these problems will in part, define us.

How will you define your life?…

Every week, for two years, my youngest little guy has been going to preschool.  Over these two years, the teachers have changed, some of our little routines have changed, his clothes have gotten smaller (because it COULDN’T be that he is getting bigger), and I truly have just basked in it all.  I love dropping him off.  Not because I’m glad to get rid of him, but I love how regular it is.  I really love our routine.  I feel like it’s a sweet and loving routine, and I love how stable it is.  In lives that can get so chaotic, routines can help center us, and for me, the whole preschool routine is very calming.  Very centering.  I know I’ll miss it.

This weekend, he graduates.  And over the past couple of weeks, as I have pondered this momentous occasion, I have realized how much I will miss our little routine.  Just the regularity of it all.  For most of this year, this has been our routine:

Don’t step on the cracks.But, Mommy, if you do, it’s okay.  You can step on them twice.  And that will give you power.

I love that he gives his mama and himself the okay to make mistakes.  We all could learn from that: mistakes can give you power, if you’re willing to learn from them.

Once inside, he puts away his lunch box, his stuffed animal, and collects any artwork that has made its way into his cubby.

Then he signs in.  Every time, I tell him what day it is: “It’s T-T-T-Tuesday.”  “It’s Th-Th-Th-Thursday.”  And then he figures out where to sign his name. These pictures were taken on three different days.  But the routine is always there.  Always the same.And then his best friend comes over, hugs me, attacks me, tells me a something important, and the two get silly.

As I prepare to go, I need a lot of loving.  A lot.  This is best accomplished by telling him that he had better NOT HUG ME.

My son, such the rebel.  We kiss and hug, snuggle and giggle.

I seriously love it.

Then, he goes to the window to watch me go.

Every time.

I love it.Sometimes he gets lost in looking at the artwork hanging to dry or finds something to play with.

I’m seriously just dying.  I love his curiosity and lust for life so.dang.much.

Sometimes, his friend comes over to say goodbye too.Aren’t they perfect?As I drive away, I wave goodbye, my heart does a little smile, and I call my mom as I drive to work.

It’s always the same.

It’s my routine.  And I love it.I invite you to take a look at the routines in your life.  Pick up your camera and take some pictures to help keep those memories  alive.  This routine will end, and new ones will replace it.  And those routines will be special too.  But for me, THIS routine, has been nothing short of magical.  I know there will come a day where he will run off as soon as I drop him off.  He won’t linger to wave goodbye.  He will definitely not be interested in hugging and kissing me, ESPECIALLY in front of his friends, and very likely, his friends will have no interest in hugging me either.

My boy will grow up.

But maybe if I just keep not stepping on those cracks, he’ll stay my little boy just a little bit longer….…